Life Changing Words

I felt like revisiting several quotes that have changed the way I view the world over the years. So without further ado, Lena's words to live by:

Age12-16
"Why try? Trying is the first step towards failure."-Homer Simpson
Age 16-18
"It's only after we've lost everything that we are free to do anything."-Chuck Palahniuk
Age 18-19
"It's never too late to be what you might have been."-T.S. Eliot
Age 19
"Faced with apathy, I will take action. Faced with conflict, I will seek common ground. Faced with adversity, I will persevere."-AmeriCorps NCCC Pledge
Age 19-20
"The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others."-Mahatma Ghandi

All of these words came to me when I needed them most. They have been my friends, my lovers, my reason for getting up in the morning. Sometimes I wonder if this is what religious texts like the Koran or the Bible feel like to people. It marvels me how mere words can express ideas so powerful that they tap into an inner strength and enable us to conquer anything.

One of the reasons I began Maieutic Journey was so that I would never forget the people or events that have impacted me. I tend to chronicle my life through music and pictures, but I'm beginning to feel my brain getting full, so it's time to put the memories into words.

Today I'd like to share the story of how my most recent words to live by found me.

I was slipping into a dark place of uncertainty. My time in AmeriCorps was winding down and soon I was going to have to leave the life I loved and go back to the real world. I despised the idea of having to reassemble the pieces of knowledge I'd gleaned from my experiences into a fathomable life path including education and career. I'd entered the program looking for answers and I was about to leave with more questions than I had going in. A tsunami of big decisions was crashing into shore and I was still trying to figure out that eternal question, "Who am I?"
Things were moving fast. I felt like I didn't even have time to breathe.

Floods and gutting in WI, sprained back, lots of pain pills and whoa, I'm back in Maryland.

Week in DC with the person I was in a relationship with at the time (ex is the term, but doesn't seem fitting), sight seeing and enjoying a hotel. The first space that was our own. We watched Gustav and Hanna on CNN, ready to volunteer for deployment should the storms hit the way we feared.

Break's over. Down to Biloxi. Team diaspora. The "family" is missing several players and everything feels off.

All the negative energy that had been building came to a head during that two week span.

A day after arriving in Mississippi, the Red Cross asked for a ton of teams to go to Texas to help with relief efforts. Hurricane Ike, the third most destructive hurricane in US history, had passed onto land in the middle of the night. So the day after Ike hit, I found myself on a plane headed for Dallas, through Atlanta, to join a composite team.

The Red Cross provides disaster volunteers with a pre-loaded credit card that budgets $33 dollars a day for food. After living on $4.50/day this was like winning the lottery. During the layover in Atlanta, I celebrated my wealth by purchasing some trailmix and a bottle of pomegranate-blueberry juice. On the next flight, I tried to mentally prepare myself for what was to come and mentally recover from what had been.

I was lucky to have a window seat. I hope I never lose that child-like wonder of viewing the world and the clouds from 10,000 feet. Even in that moment of mental exhaustion, I was able to appreciate the way the sun shone on the cumulus clouds towering above what I think was Louisiana. I had the perfect song playing, but even if I told you what it was, it wouldn't sound the same outside that moment. Even now, I hear it differently than I did then. But in that five minute span, with my thoughts amongst the clouds, the song was perfect. Exactly what I needed to hear.

I reached into seat pocket in front of me and took out my bottle of pomegranate-blueberry juice. I sipped it in between riff and then, in an uncharacteristic gesture, I glanced down into the bottle at the inside of the label where I found the words:

"The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others."

I was lost. And I was on my way to serve. Everything was going to plan, exactly how it should be. And I didn't need answers to go do what felt right. All of my anxieties floated away into the cumulus clouds and I found peace with myself.

I spent my deployment immersed in my work and the people I was working with and for. I found connections everywhere, depth and significance in every seemingly trivial moment, and every conversation layed another brick on my life path.